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And then "Mai Khiladi tu Anadi" happened. Akshay looked fabulous. "Jab bhi koi ladaki dekhu" song would keep echoing in my 11 year old mind. I begged and pleaded Dad to let us watch the movie, but dad being Dad bluntly refused. That night with watery eyes, quivering lips and shivering fingers, I wrote a letter to God, complaining about the parents he has created for me. With sorrow dripping from each word or so I thought, I was confident that my letter would have lead to some serious thundering in heaven and God would be pacing up and down in restlessness, melted by my pityful state he would reincarnate to save this sweet little girl in distress. Well, I did watch the movie, after 10 years though.
Love too happened, or maybe it was crush. But too scared of the peeping-Sherlock-holmes-inspired siblings, I wrote in secret codes that would had made Dan Brown look like an illiterate, which later on even I was not able to decipher. Those words were formed by the first rush of hormones, the butterflies now flutter between the numerous pages, some rubbed with tears some still glowing with smiles.
In lonely nights when the moon howled, the chill outside shivered from the cold heart throbbing within me, I came to realise that the Heart is the weakest organ we are bestowed it. Breaks so easily and hard to mend. I needed a new vocabulory, the expletive ones that are usually hidden beneath beep beep, to express the emotions of betrayal and negligence. My poor diary displayed some really angry facets of my personality. Yes, even now I am confident that the throne of God would shake and tremble if ever I go through the pages again.
Rummaging through the memories in those black letters, carved by a nib dipped in my heart, I could see a tiny pony tailed girl beating the boys with a broom, an adolescent fighting for more freedom, an-aspiring-class-topper dozing on Math's books- four hours before the examination, a lonely soul sharing its solitude with the moon, a peppy happy soul forced by roomie to wear matching high heels.
Through those words I could see the real ME.